i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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