dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Did I show you my penis last night?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
