Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
