how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
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he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
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Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize