do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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