I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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