was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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