Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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