She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
