i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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