this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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