she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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