Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
There r osticjed everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize