I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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