I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
