dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
