I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
