Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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