omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
