look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
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You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
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Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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