Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
