Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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