I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
