party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?