when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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