Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
