Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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