I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
