his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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