This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
there is glitter all over my balls
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