I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize