Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
