Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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