Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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