Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
that is very illegal...i love you.
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