You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
