Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize