Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
