remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
