Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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