I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
