It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
