Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize