yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize