the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
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Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
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wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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