The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
