I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
