ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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