my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
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Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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