No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
