Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
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she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
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I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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