the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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